Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian: "
This just in from the deliciously reliable “news” source–The Onion:
LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems
like any ordinary gay teen. He’s a member of his school’s swing choir, enjoys
shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a
growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that,
deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Faber admitted to reporters Monday.
“It’s like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I’m tempted to go
behind my friends’ backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the
school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning
turns me on.”
Added Faber, “I feel so confused.”
The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a
steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he
might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within
himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber
claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.